The One Where We Cancelled Our Trip
I was supposed to quit today.
I had a whole blog post planned talking about an epic trip around Canada and the USA we had booked, but due to the current situation, it’s had to be cancelled.
And that really really sucks.
This trip was going to be a cathartic, life-affirming, growth-forcing, comfort-zone-outing, skills-growing, development adventure of epic proportions.
It was going to encompass an epic drive through the Canadian Rockies from Calgary to Vancouver, where my best friend and I would then hike trails and explore off-the-beaten-track paths, and generally get out and experience the beauty of the Canadian wilderness (and eat delicious poutine and French Toast!).
From Vancouver, we were planning on taking the train to Seattle before heading onto Portland where we would rent a van and spend the next 4 months driving from the West Coast to the East Coast - the long way round through Oregon, California, Nevada, Montana, Colorado, Texas, Louisiana, the Carolinas... you get the idea.
The last 6 months have been spent planning. Saving locations to go, vistas to see, things to eat, roads to travel… I was looking everywhere and anywhere for inspiration. A photo on instagram? Research where it was! An article in the travel section? On the list! A random post on the internet about an old pioneer-turned-ghost-town? Let’s go!
And now it’s been cancelled.
And I am so incredibly saddened and frustrated by it.
I know, I know. I’m in a position of extreme luck and privilege.
I have a job that pays well. I have a great family, partner, friends. I have my health. And I know so many others don’t due to this terrible pandemic. I have so much going for me while others do not.
This is definitely a #firstworldproblem
But I can’t help but feel angry and upset about it.
This trip means the world to me. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for years and years, but never felt like I could. And this time it felt like the stars had aligned and the opportunity was ripe for the picking.
Why? For many reasons. So many. Some were gone into in the planned post, some probably weren’t.
But at it’s core, it is a desire to push myself into something I’ve never done before. To go beyond my current comfort zone and take on the world. It’s a craving for adventure, a romantic notion of The Great American Road Trip; of stopping in sleepy towns for a bite to eat at their local diner; of small country bars where a cast of characters wet their whistle; of camping under the looming face of Half Dome or the Grand Tetons; of hiking through alien landscapes by day and lying beneath a sky full of stars by night; of nights spent in a van laughing and talking and playing cards; of music blasting, the sun shining, arm resting upon the open window-sill, driving the long open road of the American mid-West.
It was a trip to soothe the adventurous soul I have within me. To satisfy its need for travel, for experiences. To walk out the restlessness I feel. To break free from the trajectory my life has been on for the last few years and kick-start a passion and creativity that has been waning. To soothe a troubled soul. It’s a deep-seated thirst that I can’t seem to quench.
Now of course, America isn’t going anywhere. It’ll still be there when all this is over.
But we don’t know when that will be.
We don’t know when travel will be allowed again.
It could be weeks (unlikely), months (still unlikely), or maybe even years (likely).
And in that time, things change. And so the timing that was so perfect at this current juncture may no longer be so.
That’s not to say the change will be better or worst, just different. But it would mean giving up (or maybe shelving is a better term) this dream I’ve had for so long, and compromising with something that I don’t feel would satisfy me the way I think this trip would have.
We’re looking at options at the moment. We’re seeing what could happen, and where we could go.
There’s talk of New Zealand for a month. Or a lap around Australia.
Both fantastic ideas, and a lot closer to home.
But somehow they don’t feel as challenging. As satisfying.
They don’t feel as (forgive me) exciting on the level this cancelled trip did.
Australia and New Zealand have so much to offer. Both are amazingly rich and vibrant countries with incredible experiences and places to discover, and I am extremely lucky to have the opportunity to explore them both in an unhurried manner, unhindered by deadlines or time.
But to me, they can be done anytime. They just don’t have the same appeal.
It’s easier to jet off to a city or town in Australia or NZ than it is to plan and execute a trip through one of the most diverse countries in the world. Is that true? Maybe. Maybe not. It’s just how I feel.
But I crave this American road trip.
The heart wants what the heart wants. You can give it all the logic and reasoning in the world as to why these other options are just as good, but at the end of the day it won’t matter.
Who knows. Maybe one day this yearning will be satisfied and I’ll find myself on the grand adventure I’d planned.
One day.
For now I’ll have to make my peace with what we’ve been dealt.
But I’ll still continue to dream.